random loose threads

[driftsintobuffetline]

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2016
January 29 - Returning from Submarining
February 13 - What are you thoughts on MARRIAGE?
February 16 - Day 1, Soviet Occupied Import Cities
March 12 - They were supposed to talk about Miles and Greg, but talked about themselves instead
April 14th - Kinks, Tatts, and Power Suppression
June - Admiring the Ring
July 27 - Hermann's New Car
After the Kaiju Test - Need a New Apartment

Comments

[mathemagier]

Hermann considered that, drumming his fingers on the table and suddenly restless.

"Is that something you want?" He could see tying Newton to the headboard and leaving him for an undetermined amount of time to suffer the sweetest torment, leave him suspended in anticipation and uncertainty. "Because that could be arranged."

Though at first glance, it didn't seem to be a good idea. Newton's underlying worries about abandonment- but perhaps marriage had tempered them somewhat? Perhaps he simply trusted he'd return?

"Though tonight of course, I'm just going to take you to the hotel and ravish you there."

[driftsintobuffetline]

Hermann knew him too well. While he did trust Hermann now he had also been speaking generally, about the chance to ditch Newt somewhere and how that would have been tempting to Hermann for years. Not even the allure of the phrase 'that could be arranged' (god, Hermann always sounded so wonderfully wicked when he said it like that) could undo the underlying fear that was stirring in the back of his mind. Not even the promise of ravishing later could actually exorcise the anxiety now bleeding into his system.

"No," he said frankly, foregoing German for English again. He took a long drink out of the mug. "It's not really something we need to do. The tie thing, I mean. I--" Self-consciousness got the better of him and he hid behind the German again. "I meant I figured it was something you'd always wanted to do to me. Always--before. I... I don't even mean sexily. Just. 'Newton, you're being unbearable.' Like, if I've been a real turd to you that day--maybe not now, maybe," that sounded only half certain, "...but before, when we worked together. Like a timeout. And then you'd have ditched me in the Mess Hall with my wrist cuffed to a table." Which would have more than embarrassed him. How unwanted could he possibly be! Not even his only colleague wants to be around him. Ditched in the Mess Hall like an unwanted dog!

His fidgeting now had less to do with the thing inside him and more to do with repressed anxieties surfacing.

You would come back for me now, right? he thought. "You ...wouldn't do it publicly now, right?"

[mathemagier]

Taking pity on the man, Hermann switched the dial off and instead focused on assuaging the fear creeping into the Drift. He reached across the table to still Newton's fingers, then switched to English for emphasis.

"Newton, I'd never willingly leave you anywhere. Perhaps I'd entertained the thought of barring the entryway to the lab or having you shipped off to a different Shatterdome before. None of those ever went so far as to suggest cuffing you in the Mess, however. I'm not so terribly creative. I certainly don't have any such intentions now. If ever I leave you, it will be either involuntary or by your own request, I promise."

[driftsintobuffetline]

It was so honest. The confession that, yes, as suspected, he'd have loved to be rid of Newt once upon a time, but that it'd never extended to this particular method (that was all in Newt's head. thank you, brain) and that it was no longer a wish now. Hermann owned up to the truth of the past, didn't try to sugar coat it.

"I know. Logically, I-I know, even if sometimes my brain hasn't gotten the message because it's being dumb." He picked up his chair and shuffled it around the table until he was parked next to his husband. "I love you and I know I need to hear it way too often, but honest, Hermann, I appreciate it every time you repeat it for me. Thank you." He leaned up and kissed Hermann's cheek. "Don't leave. I don't care what I say. You're my best friend and I never want to be without you again."

[mathemagier]

Looping an arm around Newton's shoulders, Hermann pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"I love you, Newton," he said just in case. His arm lowered to encircle his waist. "I know I don't say so enough, but when I do, know that I mean it with utmost sincerity. That in that given moment, I can think of nothing more articulate or sincere to express as much. And occasionally, it still feels woefully inadequate. I can only hope the Drift can communicate even half of the affection I'm struck with at times."

[driftsintobuffetline]

He took Hermann's hand, holding it under the table in a private, if obvious, bond.

"The Drift says a lot. It'll never replace actually hearing it, and I enjoy hearing it, but ...you're never inadequate with your affection. Okay? Every little bit is another piece of you you're willing to share with me and that's everything I need. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love attention and I will soak up every little bit of stupid attention you give me--good or bad--but I also love you and I just. I get it. It's not easy. I want all of it, I've wanted all of it for longer than I realize, but you could put your affection out there like a carrot on a string and I'd STILL be happy with what you gave me."

He laughed softly.

"I honestly don't know how to communicate it either, man, if we're being honest right now. I buy you stuff and, well. Do things. And just hope it says what gets otherwise kind of lost in my constant verbal vomit."

[mathemagier]

"Your actions speak plenty," he assured. "You are endlessly considerate- and much too forgiving."

Newton didn't mean it that way, but his husband's willingness to accept any scrap of love and affection no matter how small distressed him. In hindsight, it almost felt like precisely what he was doing- meting out doses of love and affection as the mood struck. Newton deserved so much more than it felt he could offer at times. Someone that didn't need to give him a flattering mug to make up for his verbal shortcomings.

The gift suddenly felt contrived and insincere. He'd buy him something better tomorrow.

"..Well, do let me know if there's anything you'd like me to improve on."

[driftsintobuffetline]

Through the Drift he felt vibrations if things that spoke of guilt and distress, so Newt tugged him close and kissed his cheek again.

"Marriage has turned your views on me rather rosy, dude. I doubt I'm nearly as patient or considerate as you think I am."

The waitress returned with their plates and Newt thanked her, then returned his attention to Hermann.

"But if we want to talk improvements...how about you tell me what's bothering you instead of making me puzzle it out through the Drift?"

[mathemagier]

Sometimes the Drift was too revealing, but that was just an aspect of their relationship really. Hermann prodded his food with a fork.

"Well first of all, when it comes to my disability, you are very much patient and considerate of me, and I'm grateful for that."

The Drift came in handy then; Newton knew when he was in pain, feeling weak, having difficulty concentrating, or just growing tired. He knew not to press him, encouraged him to rest, and quietly offered his assistance where needed. That level of understanding and consideration was priceless.

"But really, it's nothing new. You may worry about taking too much, but I'm not certain I give enough for that to be a possibility."

[driftsintobuffetline]

"I know this might come as a surprise, considering we've spent the better part of our history talking--in varying ways--but I actually like talking to you. There's give and take there, Hermann, and contrary to your assumptions, it IS balanced. Your silences are as potent as your words and your words are definitely quality over quantity. I for one get value out of our discussions. You telling me you think I just talk to you to pass time?"

He stole some of Hermann's food cheekily.

"But if you feel there's imbalance, what're you suggesting we do about it?" He grinned. "You think I'm going to shut up?"

[mathemagier]

Newton was sweet, and Hermann loved him very much. It was all he could do to smile at him then lean in to kiss his nose.

"Of course not. I just want you happy, Newton. You don't deserve anything less."

[driftsintobuffetline]

"I'm happy," he answered softly, one hand coming to rest on Hermann's knee. "You make me happy. Now please eat your dinner before it gets cold, babe. I want you to be happy, too, and I'm not dealing with you being grumpy about a cold dinner when there are better things we can do with our night."

[mathemagier]

It would have to be enough for now. So long as Newton was happy, there was no need to worry, and the Drift was still abuzz with shared affection and sincerity.

Hermann pat the hand on his knee then turned to his food.

"Well let's eat so we can get on with that more exciting part of the evening, shall we?"

And now that arousal had cooled, actually finishing dinner seemed like a realistic possibility.

[driftsintobuffetline]

He smiled to himself and kept his hand in place, using the other to wield his fork, pick up his glass, and so forth. Arousal buzz or no, he very much liked the subtle contact. In general, he really liked being seated next to Hermann versus across the table, and wondered why they hadn't thought to do that before, why all the waitstaff everywhere ever always seated couples across from each other. With music or general crowd noise in some of these places, it was way too loud. It was much more conducive to talking and conspiring and being couplish to sit next to each other or at connected sides of one corner. So what if movies and pictures preferred the across-the-table romantic setup?

"I don't know. Dinner's pretty exciting. 'Later' has a lot to measure up to."

[mathemagier]

Hermann settled in with a matching smile, the touch just intimate enough to hold his interest while remaining tame. 'Exciting', hm?

"Perhaps it does," he agreed, thinking of the remote tucked between their thighs. But really, they should try to enjoy their meal first. When they started to linger over it, perhaps.

"But I must say you've laid out a few interesting promises."

[driftsintobuffetline]

"I have the BEST ideas, yeah, I'll admit it," he gave a smug shrug and shoved a forkful of noodles into his mouth.

After a few bites, he added, mouth not entirely empty, "You have great taste in husbands, Hermann, just saying. I mean, look," he brandished the mug, displaying its message as if evidence of his qualifications. "See?"