driftsintobuffetline

[He's seeing the memory now from Hermann's point of view instead of his own, and the wonder is no longer directed at Hermann's wrist in the same way ('it's perfect, I knew I wanted you to have it the moment I saw it; I couldn't get it out of my head; it made me think of you' becomes 'it's perfect, Newton got this for me; it will make me think of you, always') and Newt is both Hermann and watching the scene, marveling at the watch, at Hermann's expression, no longer as caught up in his own wonder and thrill and nervous energy--

And instead is drowning in Hermann's. Hermann manages so subdue his energy better than Newt ever could and kisses him, the Newton from memory, and then Newton is rambling as Newt remembers himself doing, trying to explain the watch, failing to express everything he is feeling in that moment, everything he has been feeling since the moment he knew that watch had to be Hermann's, and it finally culminates in the single important sentiment:]

Happy anniversary. [He thought the phrase was special then, but in Hermann's mind, now, the depth and breadth of that word: anniversary is so much bigger than the vastness it had felt like in Newt's own heart.]

[It feels like a promise, both secret and treasured, and Hermann returns the sentiment with a smile and another kiss. He's happy in a way he can't remember being in recent years, and it hits him then that he's in love. In love with the same man he's shared a lab with for years, squabbling over everything and nothing under the sun.

He rather imagines them orbiting one another in a strange dance that means they come together and grow apart, but never separate for long. And now he's more than happy to be drawn into his gravitational pull. He'll become the moon before long.

Yes, he's in love with this man. Just looking at him and the play of colors against his profile sends a warm rush of affection and fondness flooding across their connection.

I love you, he thinks but does not say, though the words feel like they're ready to burst from him and deafen all else. Instead he swallows and pulls Newton into a tight embrace, giving voice to gratitude that far exceeds its given meaning. But it feels like the real intention behind those paltry words might still translate through the drift]

Thank you, Newton.

[And Newton, the Newt of memory, can almost but not quite feel that love--and instead feels it along with or as his own love and affection and misses the parts that are distinctly Hermann--understands the love to exist, nebulously, but never with a concrete affirmation.

But Newt now knows this moment where Hermann knows that this is love, while wrapped in an embrace with this Newton--Newton, who has known since at least late November, maybe had inklings before, that HE loves Hermann. Under the glittering skyline of Hong Kong, Hermann is in love in the way Newt had been under those twinkling Christmas lights. This is his revelation, his epiphany... not that he didn't love Newt or wasn't in love with him before, but the words now are definitive--he has actually labeled this feeling and filed and cataloged it. It is certain, without a doubt, in the way Hermann is certain of his numbers.

And everything is beautiful. Newt is absolutely certain Hong Kong was never as beautiful in real life as it is now in Hermann's memory. Even the noise of traffic seems melodious. The lights catch on Newton's own glasses and HE has never looked so good, his eyes never quite that that pretty as they are now, as if illuminated from within.

Newt has never seen himself as he is when loved by someone.
He has never done anything for Hermann, never anything in his LIFE, to deserve this.

Newton thanks him (for saving his life, for Drifting with him, for loving him and tolerating him and standing by him...all those things and everything at once) and then, in lieu of saying 'I love you' himself, offers action instead. Action has always worked better for Newt, and in retrospect, he thinks it was the right offer of action: symbolizing love, trust, and togetherness...not quite a Drift, but still intimate and symbolic. And he had just really wanted to, wanted to extend this evening, to celebrate, to hold onto this giddy excitement and not squash it under decorous behavior of sitting for a nice dinner.]

May I take you dancing?

[He kisses him again because he can't not, just so full of love and adoration that he's high on it and simply can't do anything else.

Dancing is a wonderful idea, although he has no idea of where they'd go for that, but it doesn't matter really, because he'd follow the man anywhere at this point. It's all hopelessly sentimental. Their conversation turns to the minutiae of where to go and what sort of dances Newton knows, colors and sounds dimming and growing fainter until reality asserts itself again.

Hermann's breaths come a bit hard, heart still racing in his chest. Sharing memories and terminating them is hardly easy, but thanks to Qubit's guidance, they have a bit more control over them now. Less likely to follow the RABIT, at least.

And because it wasn't quite enough as a memory, he leans up and presses a kiss to Newton's mouth in the present]

[If Hermann hadn't, Newt would have. The memory link fades and Newt is left with their chalkboard walls and their comfortable couch, and Hermann's feelings filling him up to the brim, colliding with his own overwhelming sense of love and respect and admiration and he pulls his hand from Hermann's to touch his face as they kiss, and to hold him there when they stop and he rests his forehead against Hermann's.

I'm sorry, he thinks. I'm sorry I doubted. Even with the proof, it's still so hard to believe he really has something THAT good, someone who loves him that much, but here's the proof, in his arms, in his head, and here's Hermann who hasn't left him yet, despite the many reasons to.

He looks down at Hermann's wrist, at the watch, and smiles softly.]

I'm...sorry I doubted you might feel the same.

We're gonna have trouble topping Hong Kong. Obviously this was not even an idea at the time, but sometimes I think now that I should have married you there.

[It will always be astounding to feel that rush of emotion compounded between the two of them. Everything is so much more evocative on the same wavelength as another human being, to the point of feeling like it might be too much for his own limited capacity. But there is absolutely no doubt that it's Newton that brings out many aspects of himself that he'd never properly appreciated.

He waits for his breaths to even out before responding; forgiving yet firm]

Just never doubt my sincerity again. And I fully intend to find a way to 'top' Hong Kong once we begin the planning.

You are such a nerd.

[There is always something almost orgasmic about the afterglow of a Drift, of the combined euphoria, and he will never understand how it is Hermann who keeps him grounded and Hermann who also gives him wings.

He loves it. He loves Hermann more than he ever thought loving another human being was possible.]

And no, I never plan to doubt that again, but...speaking of this, uh, whole thing, you should apologize to Joaquin. Because, he sort of does have a pretty big crush on you. He even kind of threatened to marry you if I didn't.

[Hermann's more amorous thoughts halt, and he draws back a bit with a puzzled frown. Just coming to terms with Joaquin's apparent crush is already a slow process, but to have threatened to try and marry him?]

Well this is all very much news to me. Care to elaborate on what all happened precisely?

[Newt scoots back, feeling like maybe he should have NOT brought this up because this is a terrible thing to bring up, can they go back to kissing? But it's out now, so..]

Uh... This was a while ago. Before we had that talk. Before Valentine's? I don't really remember what started it. I think I called him because he hadn't called me in a while?

I know! It was after the sub, and he said he'd been avoiding me because, you know, I just got home, you and me were spending time together--

I teased him. I think I joked that he was implying we were having sex the whole time, and Joaquin being the old-fashioned dude he is gets really up about the "you're not even married!" thing and then says we should get married. And I don't know what he said, or I said, but the next thing I know, he's implying that I didn't want to marry you, and that if I'm not interested...then...people who ARE shouldn't have to hold back from trying.

[Hermann stares, shocked into sudden silence. It takes several moments to translate his incredulity into verbal terms, and all that comes out is an indignant squawk.]

What?

[It's just so difficult to believe. Sure the man had been his friend and flirted with him at the start, but he'd never actually thought he could honestly be interested. Hadn't they established that after their conversation at the dance? Or did he really grow to cherish him in such a way? Granted his outdated sensibilities were very much out of alignment with his own. He wouldn't even consider marrying Newton within the year if not for their substantial history.]

You're certain Joaquin said that?

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