driftsintobuffetline

[He stumbles a little, frown-pouts and rubs his shoulder] Yeah, thanks, but now I care TOO much about it.

Why would I ask if he wanted something else? I know better than to set myself up for that, or to force him to lie to me. And I'd rather just keep being IT until he gets tired and [shrug, handwave] ...I hope it just dies, turns into two people living together without the resentment or disappointment. I just want...THIS. I want to just--

[He exhales sadly and his next inhale wavers, like he's on the edge of crying, but his outburst ends up angry and hurt]

Why am I a fucking risk? He knows me! If he doesn't know this can work NOW, he's NEVER going to know! It could fall apart at any time, that's just how these things work! It's not assured! It's a gamble! Even when people have NEVER fought, it's a risk! ...Why can't he just gamble on me. ...On us.

[He startles a little at that outburst. Was Newt seriously going to cry? Damn, Joaquin was bad at comfort. But he reached over anyway and rested his hand lightly on the should he just punched.]

Hey... Hey, now, don't go giving yourself too much credit. Hermann doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do things half-heartedly, or without some serious contemplation. Maybe the time isn't about you, it's about him. And hey, you were hesitant too when I first brought up engagements. Let him have his time. That's all that he really wants; some extra time.

[Shrug.] And if you need some further proof he isn't thinking of you as just convenience, we could run a test.

[His first impulse is to shrug off the hand, but instead he stands there and accepts it.

Time, yeah. But time is hard. Newt is impatient. He feels like he has waited his entire life to meet someone like Hermann, someone with whom he feels a kinship and friendship...and when they fell apart, it was like losing a part of himself. Now their friends, they're in love (or Newt is), and they've promised a future together... and he wants to have that. He wants it to start now. He's tired of waiting--to have same-age friends, to be loved, to be someone's something important (their BEST Friend)--and he wants Hermann to be just as impatient, just as eager, to want just as badly...with him.

He knows Hermann wants someone, wants the love and stability as he gets older, but...Newt specifically? And now?

He yanks off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt, tries to hide a sniffle as he puts the glasses back on, then side-eyes Joaquin. Skeptically:] A test?

Yeah, a test. [Joaquin let go so he could take a few steps ahead of Newton, his hands held palm-up in an exaggerated shrug.]

You seem to think he might have a thing for me. If that's the case, if he isn't devoted to seeing this out with you, don't you think he's drop you in a heartbeat if I were to ask him to date me instead? Not that I'll be serious but he doesn't have to know that. And I'm sure he'll turn me down and you should find yourself satisfied that he's not going to just leave you high and dry at the moment you become inconvenient.

[Joaquin turned back, offering a smile.]

Of course, if you're scared then maybe you do need time to learn to put some trust in Hermann.

[Glare.] I'm not scared.

[But he is. And he isn't entirely sure Hermann will be bold enough to take an offer even if it presents itself, and instead just be dissatisfied with Newt, but... It couldn't hurt, right? Hermann had already decided Joaquin was too young to do anything too serious with, so even if he DOES enjoy the date, he won't make too much of a pass at their friend. And Joaquin isn't serious about it anyway...right?

...Well, he WAS pretty interested in Hermann.

But. He wouldn't.] Fine. You have my permission, or whatever, to ask Hermann on a date. [But what if Hermann did want him?] But I swear, if he's interested and you break his heart, I'm going to break you.

Are you suuuuure?

[Joaquin rolls his eyes and heads closer, reaching up to give Newton a shake of his shoulders.]

Don't. Worry. I'm not a jackass, as we've both discussed before. I'm sure nothing will come of it. But how about we head back and give this test a go?

Now? [His voice squeaks.]

Uhh, yeah, sure! Now is fine. Now is great. Stellar. I can do now. [He'll just mentally prepare himself on the walk back, okay, yes. Okay. Can do this. Just...will walk slowly.]

[He raises his eyebrows.]

.... Or we can not and you can keep wondering and fretting into eternity.

[But yeah, starting on the walk back...]

[Can he ever really be reassured, though?]

...No, no we can do this. I can do this. Come on.

Alright.

[The walk back is quiet. Really quiet considering he was with Newton Geiszler, but Joaquin let him internalize things as he needed. It couldn't be easy on him.

When they got to the apartment and got back on the elevator Joaquin gave him another chance out.]

You know, we don't have to do this but I still say it's a good idea...

[Newt wants to throw up from nerves the whole ride up. He blames Hermann.]

Hey, if it's okay with you, I'll just...wait outside in the hall?

[Joaquin turned back a moment, about to argue, but the look on Newton's face stays his words. No, he can give him this moment of weakness.]

Sure. I'll be back in a few.

[The whole way back Joaquin had been chill and now it was his turn to feel nerves. This was Hermann Gottlieb he was planning on asking out, and while he really didn't expect anything to come from it he still cared enough to fret. But he was an expert at smoothing over his own nerves with false bravado. He called on those reserves now, stepping into the apartment to search for the other doctor.]

Hermann? Can I speak with you for a moment?

[He's not far, in his usual place and typing on his laptop at full speed. Glasses on, pages scrolling in their reflection, and his fingers don't pause the moment he glances up, but rather continue to type seemingly with a mind of their own until they too slow to a stop]

Joaquin? [Obviously not the person he expected to see, Hermann sets the laptop on the coffee table and reaches for his cane to stand.]

Isn't Newton supposed to be with you? He left to meet with you not too long ago, if I'm not mistaken.

[And suddenly he's worried that something very serious happened and steps forward with a touch more urgency] What happened?

Hm? Oh! No, nothing like that. [He holds up his hands to try and assuage some of that worry.]

Newton's just fine. He just offered to give us some privacy for a moment. I, ah, have something to ask you.

Privacy?

[He really can't imagine why they'd need that.. well, alright, if Joaquin had something sensitive he could only confide in him, but Newton was playing that role, and he's fairly apprehensive of doing so himself. He's a terrible friend, really.

But now that he's taken a moment to focus, he can tell Newton is in fact very close, and probably isn't further than the hallway. He's fine, aside from a bundle of nerves and a thread of nausea? Is he sick?

Hermann turns his attention back to Joaquin, still moderately concerned, but he'll address that in a moment]

Well alright, I suppose. What is it?

[Welp, it was now or never, Joaquin. He put on his most charming smile and got his schmooze on.]

I just wanted to say that I'm quite fond of you, Hermann, and I was wondering if you might consider dating me? You know, for real.

What?

[It's a half-laugh, half-question, puzzled on several fronts. He can't imagine where this is coming from and smiles a sort of confused humor while anxiety builds along the drift that simply must be Newton's]

Did Newton put you up to this?

Huh? [What kind of question was that?]

N-no, I'm serious.

[He does laugh then; a quiet chuckle, warmly amused]

Well I'm flattered, but I think Newton is close to having a heart attack in the hallway, so perhaps we should check on him.

[He hadn't expected to be laughed at, of all things. Just... Wow. Wow. Okay. He wanted to go home now.]

Uh... Sure, sure, I'll run ahead then.

[Not waiting for a response to that, Joaquin beelined out of the apartment and nearly ran into Newton in his haste. He didn't want to stick around, so he gave a clipped summary:]

He laughed at me. Hope that makes you feel better. I'm just... I'll see you later. [And he was in the elevator and heading down fast as the apparatus would take him.]

[Newt, who had been listening like the masochist he is, manages a failed pat and attempt to take Joaquin's arm before the the other man hurries away. And now he feels sick for an entirely different reason.]

WHAT THE FUCK, HERMANN?

[The door bangs into the wall as it swings open. Newt stops it with his hand on rebound and closes it hard behind him. Liebling yawns and stretches on the sofa, unimpressed.]

[Hermann starts back a step, silently glad he doesn't move all that fast or he would have been hit with the door. Joaquin is gone, but in his place is an irritated Newton and all of this is very far beyond him.

If he didn't know better, he'd almost say they'd simply shapeshifted in order to test him for unknown reasons. But he recovers, and favors Newton with a glare as he steps closer]

No Newton, I believe I'm the one that should be asking the questions here. What was that?

[What was it indeed? Newt squirmed a little.]

That was...a very misguided attempt to prove a point. Joaquin was--

[Handwave, then the tone is more direct] It doesn't matter what the point was he was trying to prove, the reality of it was, you LAUGHED at him. You don't LAUGH at a guy when he confesses to liking you, Hermann.

Misguided!? [Hermann's voice rose, incredulous]

First of all, he was not serious, and even if he was, you used him as an example to prove a point? I don't think you should be the one lecturing me over this.

[His gestures move along with his speech] WHOA WHOA WAIT A SECOND. WHAT?! ME? NO!! He volunteered to prove--I didn't--He wasn't serious about--but he does LIKE like you and

I am NOT in the wrong here, Hermann. YOU are the one who laughed at a man confessing his feelings, putting his charming ass self out there for the sole purpose of proving to the guy YOU are dating that he's not, that I'm not...that you're not going to LEAVE ME for someone more [He waves back at the door as if meaning Joaquin] more... [gestures to himself] not THIS. HE suggested it--I'd just have gone along NOT KNOWING, I was FINE with not knowing!

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