driftsintobuffetline

I've done awful, selfish things, too.

You know, I...basically composed a suicide note to Hermann once. Well, not exactly, but-- I was pissed at him, did an experiment he refused to support me on and that I wasn't honestly sure would work, but I [deep breath]--in my infinite hubris--

[So much regret] My last message was that, if it worked, I won. I wanted to shove it in Hermann's face. [a small quiet snort of bitter humor] And if it didn't work and I was dead...well, I wanted to shove that in his face as well. Said it was all his fault, that he drove me to it--and there it was, recorded, my voice accusing him--for him to hear forever.

...and it almost did kill me. And he was the one that found me.

So! [trying to brighten things back up with louder, more energetic tone, emotion still breaking at the edges of his voice] You know. I get it. I don't get it get it exactly, but I sort of...get it. It was a mistake, you made a bad decision while upset. I don't judge you for it.

[The beginning of that answer leaves Manolo holding his breath, praying that Newt didn't actually end up dying. Thankfully, the story hasa better ending than that. His impulsiveness didn't get him killed, or leave Hermann picking up the pieces.

Now, though, Manolo has a better sense of why Newt didn't feel the need to either lecture him, or even swing in the opposite direction and completely dance around the issue. The knot in his stomach begins to dissipate, if only a little.]

...I'm glad you lived. Dying is easy, but for the ones who are left behind...it's hell on earth. [No one knows better than him.] I wasn't trying to punish Joaquin for what he said to me. I honestly thought he was right, and I just...wanted to see her again, even if it meant dying. I didn't want to live anymore if it meant being alone.

[He's felt what it's like to die before. His and Hermann's brains were still connected to that Kaiju baby when it died, and he felt what it was like to meet his end though suffocation without ever actually experiencing anything but what the Hivemind showed--and sometimes he could still remember going toe-to-toe with Striker Eureka and 'dying'...but not dying...existing, disembodied, in a vat of fluid until one of the enemy connected his brain...

Dying is not easy, but comparatively, living IS harder.]

I get it. [Not going to mention the submarine voyage and Newt's idea for how to get back to Hermann. Just...not.] But what...I mean, if don't mind, I'm still fuzzy on it all... what happened? How did that all ...work? The actual logistics of it. Dying and not dying?

[Manolo lightly drums his fingers against his knee as he adjusts his grip on the communicator with his other hand. He's never explained the entire story to someone before, not to Joaquin, not to anyone. It's a little overwhelming, and he's not sure where to start.]

...Something you must understand is that gods and magic and strange creatures exist where Joaquin and I come from. The gap between the divine and the living? It is not so wide, really. Heroes of legend are often blessed with magical items that grant them power, and others are cursed with tragic ends they seemingly can't escape.

Now...imagine death and the devil making a bet over which boy will marry their friend Maria when they become adults. This is where our problems began.

[...You're Mexican, not an Ancient Greek.

Or...he thinks, frowning as the description goes on, maybe those aren't so terribly different after all. Because that sounds far too much like a plot to something Bulfinch's mythology might contain, where the gods and goddesses make wagers over the human lives and screw up everything except Mt Olympus itself.

He would have never believed this before arriving here, but now, why the hell not. Why not and if he wanted to look into some sort of scientific explanation, there was always alternate dimensions, breaches to other worlds misinterpreted as the realm of the dead, and the ever popular gods are actually aliens theory, because. Sure. Okay.]

Okay....

But why you two...three? Why you three when there's so many other people to harass? What did you do to catch their attention or incite their anger...or do you know?

[If this were Greek myth, perhaps some god favored Maria. All in all, they were probably lucky they weren't turned into spiders or trees or something virtually immortal and horrific like a gorgon.]

I wish I did know. [Not that it would have changed much.] I didn't even find out about the wager until I was already dead. As it turns out, gods are pretty sore losers. Big surprise, right?

[What a mess...]

From what I understand, the one who favored Joaquin gave him an item known as the Medal of Everlasting Life when he was younger. Pretty much like it sounds. The wearer cannot be hurt or killed.

Okay, so that explains the immortality thing. Let's see if I'm getting this right: Death and the Devil decide you three are a game. Joaquin gets a magic talisman so he doesn't die, which sort of explains the heroics and the shitton of medals. You and Maria fall for each other, the guy who's backing Joaquin decides rather than losing--

Well, he obviously doesn't kill you because your first death doesn't work that way... So he kills Maria? As what? Punishment to you all for not working according to his plans for you?

There was a snake. Maria...she saw it first, shoved me out of the way and took a bite to the ankle. I managed to catch her before she collapsed to the ground, but her pulse was already gone, and I...

[He swallows hard. That was the worst moment of his life. It still flares up in his nightmares sometimes.]

What Joaquin and I didn't know was that she wasn't actually dead. The snake bit her once, which only made her fall into a death-like sleep.

But you thought she was dead, had every reason to believe that, so you wanted to join her. Hence Death #1, Joaquin's poor life choices, and--

How did you get...un-dead, though? Wait, wait. First. WHY was he marrying her after you died? Why was that even a thing?

I felt like it should have been me, and I wanted to see her again. The god betting on Joaquin warned me that my choice would have consequences, but I'd made up my mind. The same snake that bit Maria bit me twice, and it was over...

[The marriage, though. Newt can't see it, but Manolo makes a face, like he'd just swallowed a particularly nasty pill.]

...I can't speak for Joaquin or Maria. But he says it was because the town wanted Joaquin to settle down in San Angel to better protect everyone from bandits. He'd already proposed to her, and all the people clearly wished for her to acceptance.

[He wants to ask what dying is like. He's morbidly curious.]

Well, yeah, ok, if it makes the Village Protector happy and more willing to protect the town, then I get the villagers' reasoning for pushing the marriage. It's still shitty, but people do a lot of shitty things in the interest of not dying.

[He can't resist.] ...What WAS dying like?

Yes, I see what you're saying...[There's a "but" hanging in the air. Manolo swallows it down, though. He's partially to blame anyway, so he tries to keep himself from getting too indignant over what happened.

Instead, he focuses on the question. He's actually grateful for it because it successfully diverts his attention toward something else.]

...You know, you're the first person to ask me that. [But of course Newt would ask. He's a scientist. Asking questions is his life's work.

When Manolo answers, his voice is quiet and oddly calm.]

Dying was...the happiest moment of my life. [A pause.] Hearing me say that would upset more than a few people, I'm sure, but it's true. I didn't even realize I'd hit the ground. Instead, I was floating, my surroundings grew farther away, all the pain and grief from before lifted off my shoulders. No more worries. It was freeing -- no, euphoric.

[Newt isn't terribly surprised he's the first, considering it's kind of a rude question, or at least an insensitive one, and if anyone's going to be the first to open his big mouth and ask the insensitive questions, it's Newt.

Manolo's death is nothing like what Newt experienced in that first Drift. That had been fear, anxiety, pain and a pounding rush of his heart--But he hadn't died. He wonders if he had died, would it have been as Manolo described, or would it have still be painful and fearful? Is Manolo's universe a strange enough place that death is both personified in a god and not...painful?]

I'm sorry. I'm trying to get over the macabre irony of you saying it was the happiest moment of your life when it's literally the end of it. [Insensitive again.]

So, did you turn into a ghost? Was that it?

Believe me, I am totally aware of the macabre irony, so there's no reason for you to apologize.

[Manolo's friends think he's insensitive about his own death. It's really hard to offend him on that front, Newt.]

I woke up in the Land of the Remembered, actually. You've seen my other form, yes? The one that makes me less squishy and more skeleton-y? That's how everyone there looks.

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