driftsintobuffetline

[He is relieved to hear work, at least, is going well for Joaquin.]

My problems aren't problems. They're like lame-ass First World problems, like what am I going to order at Dunkin' today and do we want to buy 'fresh linen' scent or 'spring river' scent of detergent. It's all very domestic.

[He shoves his hands in his pockets]

Which is weird, because I never imagined myself with that lifestyle, you know? I wanted to be a cool scientist, like an Ian Malcolm, rockstarish and popular, with a girl in every port kind of thing, and here I am, ass over teakettle over the dweeb in tweed I've been sharing my lab with and...

[He shrugs. Joaquin doesn't want to hear about Hermann, not considering...everything. It seems unkind to unload about his own insecurities in a relationship that Joaquin is envious of.]

There's nothing wrong with that. [In fact that sounded like a blessing. Not having any problems outside of what you're going to eat that night or buy from the store... Nice.]

Well, I'm glad to hear things are going good. I know I... kind of made an ass of myself before, but I am glad for you and Hermann both. You seem to really... understand each other. It's not something I'm used to seeing.

[He reaches over and claps a hang on Newt's shoulder.] But you know, if you guys did have any problems you were bottling up, you could tell me right? I don't mind listening. [But then heat rushes to his face and he backtracks a bit.] I mean, as long as it isn't of an... overly intimate nature. I have no advice concerning that whatsoever.

[Newt glances up at him, frowns, not at the hand but at the thought of the discussion just the other day with Manolo. Does Joaquin even like ice cream?

He doesn't mean to divulge too much, but once he starts talking, it just...goes.

He laughs.] Don't worry, we're fine there. Or I am. ...I mean, I think it's good. He's got a bit more of a ...history than I do, I guess? Not that this means anything at all! I just. I realize I'm annoying. I know I'm not what he's really [shrugs, gives Joaquin a once over. yep, no, still not that] into and I guess, you know, sometimes...

I wonder sometimes if I'm easy--like, I not EASY, I know I'm easy--but convenient for him in my inconvenience. Just...there. In his brain. The only option. You know, before you, I sort of tried to get him to go on a date with a guy--Steve Rogers. Hot, blond, big like you, saved our asses once. And Hermann said, he's actually said it a couple of times...he goes "Newton, have you considered just how difficult it would be for either of us to successfully date anyone?"

And yeah. Yeah, I have. [He shakes his head, giving a small snort] Can you imagine dating someone else while he and I [he glances around, lowers his voice] drift?

[Joaquin's face twists in puzzlement.]

... You think looks matter that much? But I can see what you mean about the brain thing, it's... [He shrugs.] Not that I know how that really works but it would probably make things difficult. Dating other people.

I don't think it's easy for him. You both seem to work, but I mean, if it was easy, convenient, then I think he'd be having more second thoughts about things. Do you think he's having second thoughts?

...Yeah, I think he is. I mean, I've asked him to marry me, and he keeps telling me to wait. He thinks engagement is a risk, that we're moving too fast, that we'll fall apart, and--

[DEEP BREATH]

--I'm the only option he's got, you know? It's me or be with someone else with me as the third wheel EVERYWHERE he fucking goes, in his head, and so, yeah, I AM convenient. It's easier to date me and just deal with me than to date someone else and have me tag along. I threw myself at him and he's settled, instead of chasing what he really wants.

Oh, so, you did ask him to marry you! [He chuckles and gives Newt a playful punch on the shoulder.] And you were acting like you really didn't care about marriage.

I don't think you can honestly claim he really wants something else. Unless he's told you he wants something else?

... Have you asked? Cause I don't believe it.

[He stumbles a little, frown-pouts and rubs his shoulder] Yeah, thanks, but now I care TOO much about it.

Why would I ask if he wanted something else? I know better than to set myself up for that, or to force him to lie to me. And I'd rather just keep being IT until he gets tired and [shrug, handwave] ...I hope it just dies, turns into two people living together without the resentment or disappointment. I just want...THIS. I want to just--

[He exhales sadly and his next inhale wavers, like he's on the edge of crying, but his outburst ends up angry and hurt]

Why am I a fucking risk? He knows me! If he doesn't know this can work NOW, he's NEVER going to know! It could fall apart at any time, that's just how these things work! It's not assured! It's a gamble! Even when people have NEVER fought, it's a risk! ...Why can't he just gamble on me. ...On us.

[He startles a little at that outburst. Was Newt seriously going to cry? Damn, Joaquin was bad at comfort. But he reached over anyway and rested his hand lightly on the should he just punched.]

Hey... Hey, now, don't go giving yourself too much credit. Hermann doesn't seem like the kind of guy to do things half-heartedly, or without some serious contemplation. Maybe the time isn't about you, it's about him. And hey, you were hesitant too when I first brought up engagements. Let him have his time. That's all that he really wants; some extra time.

[Shrug.] And if you need some further proof he isn't thinking of you as just convenience, we could run a test.

[His first impulse is to shrug off the hand, but instead he stands there and accepts it.

Time, yeah. But time is hard. Newt is impatient. He feels like he has waited his entire life to meet someone like Hermann, someone with whom he feels a kinship and friendship...and when they fell apart, it was like losing a part of himself. Now their friends, they're in love (or Newt is), and they've promised a future together... and he wants to have that. He wants it to start now. He's tired of waiting--to have same-age friends, to be loved, to be someone's something important (their BEST Friend)--and he wants Hermann to be just as impatient, just as eager, to want just as badly...with him.

He knows Hermann wants someone, wants the love and stability as he gets older, but...Newt specifically? And now?

He yanks off his glasses and cleans them on his shirt, tries to hide a sniffle as he puts the glasses back on, then side-eyes Joaquin. Skeptically:] A test?

Yeah, a test. [Joaquin let go so he could take a few steps ahead of Newton, his hands held palm-up in an exaggerated shrug.]

You seem to think he might have a thing for me. If that's the case, if he isn't devoted to seeing this out with you, don't you think he's drop you in a heartbeat if I were to ask him to date me instead? Not that I'll be serious but he doesn't have to know that. And I'm sure he'll turn me down and you should find yourself satisfied that he's not going to just leave you high and dry at the moment you become inconvenient.

[Joaquin turned back, offering a smile.]

Of course, if you're scared then maybe you do need time to learn to put some trust in Hermann.

[Glare.] I'm not scared.

[But he is. And he isn't entirely sure Hermann will be bold enough to take an offer even if it presents itself, and instead just be dissatisfied with Newt, but... It couldn't hurt, right? Hermann had already decided Joaquin was too young to do anything too serious with, so even if he DOES enjoy the date, he won't make too much of a pass at their friend. And Joaquin isn't serious about it anyway...right?

...Well, he WAS pretty interested in Hermann.

But. He wouldn't.] Fine. You have my permission, or whatever, to ask Hermann on a date. [But what if Hermann did want him?] But I swear, if he's interested and you break his heart, I'm going to break you.

Are you suuuuure?

[Joaquin rolls his eyes and heads closer, reaching up to give Newton a shake of his shoulders.]

Don't. Worry. I'm not a jackass, as we've both discussed before. I'm sure nothing will come of it. But how about we head back and give this test a go?

Now? [His voice squeaks.]

Uhh, yeah, sure! Now is fine. Now is great. Stellar. I can do now. [He'll just mentally prepare himself on the walk back, okay, yes. Okay. Can do this. Just...will walk slowly.]

[He raises his eyebrows.]

.... Or we can not and you can keep wondering and fretting into eternity.

[But yeah, starting on the walk back...]

[Can he ever really be reassured, though?]

...No, no we can do this. I can do this. Come on.

Alright.

[The walk back is quiet. Really quiet considering he was with Newton Geiszler, but Joaquin let him internalize things as he needed. It couldn't be easy on him.

When they got to the apartment and got back on the elevator Joaquin gave him another chance out.]

You know, we don't have to do this but I still say it's a good idea...

[Newt wants to throw up from nerves the whole ride up. He blames Hermann.]

Hey, if it's okay with you, I'll just...wait outside in the hall?

[Joaquin turned back a moment, about to argue, but the look on Newton's face stays his words. No, he can give him this moment of weakness.]

Sure. I'll be back in a few.

[The whole way back Joaquin had been chill and now it was his turn to feel nerves. This was Hermann Gottlieb he was planning on asking out, and while he really didn't expect anything to come from it he still cared enough to fret. But he was an expert at smoothing over his own nerves with false bravado. He called on those reserves now, stepping into the apartment to search for the other doctor.]

Hermann? Can I speak with you for a moment?

[He's not far, in his usual place and typing on his laptop at full speed. Glasses on, pages scrolling in their reflection, and his fingers don't pause the moment he glances up, but rather continue to type seemingly with a mind of their own until they too slow to a stop]

Joaquin? [Obviously not the person he expected to see, Hermann sets the laptop on the coffee table and reaches for his cane to stand.]

Isn't Newton supposed to be with you? He left to meet with you not too long ago, if I'm not mistaken.

[And suddenly he's worried that something very serious happened and steps forward with a touch more urgency] What happened?

Hm? Oh! No, nothing like that. [He holds up his hands to try and assuage some of that worry.]

Newton's just fine. He just offered to give us some privacy for a moment. I, ah, have something to ask you.

Privacy?

[He really can't imagine why they'd need that.. well, alright, if Joaquin had something sensitive he could only confide in him, but Newton was playing that role, and he's fairly apprehensive of doing so himself. He's a terrible friend, really.

But now that he's taken a moment to focus, he can tell Newton is in fact very close, and probably isn't further than the hallway. He's fine, aside from a bundle of nerves and a thread of nausea? Is he sick?

Hermann turns his attention back to Joaquin, still moderately concerned, but he'll address that in a moment]

Well alright, I suppose. What is it?

[Welp, it was now or never, Joaquin. He put on his most charming smile and got his schmooze on.]

I just wanted to say that I'm quite fond of you, Hermann, and I was wondering if you might consider dating me? You know, for real.

What?

[It's a half-laugh, half-question, puzzled on several fronts. He can't imagine where this is coming from and smiles a sort of confused humor while anxiety builds along the drift that simply must be Newton's]

Did Newton put you up to this?

Huh? [What kind of question was that?]

N-no, I'm serious.

[He does laugh then; a quiet chuckle, warmly amused]

Well I'm flattered, but I think Newton is close to having a heart attack in the hallway, so perhaps we should check on him.

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