driftsintobuffetline

[He raises his eyebrows.]

.... Or we can not and you can keep wondering and fretting into eternity.

[But yeah, starting on the walk back...]

[Can he ever really be reassured, though?]

...No, no we can do this. I can do this. Come on.

Alright.

[The walk back is quiet. Really quiet considering he was with Newton Geiszler, but Joaquin let him internalize things as he needed. It couldn't be easy on him.

When they got to the apartment and got back on the elevator Joaquin gave him another chance out.]

You know, we don't have to do this but I still say it's a good idea...

[Newt wants to throw up from nerves the whole ride up. He blames Hermann.]

Hey, if it's okay with you, I'll just...wait outside in the hall?

[Joaquin turned back a moment, about to argue, but the look on Newton's face stays his words. No, he can give him this moment of weakness.]

Sure. I'll be back in a few.

[The whole way back Joaquin had been chill and now it was his turn to feel nerves. This was Hermann Gottlieb he was planning on asking out, and while he really didn't expect anything to come from it he still cared enough to fret. But he was an expert at smoothing over his own nerves with false bravado. He called on those reserves now, stepping into the apartment to search for the other doctor.]

Hermann? Can I speak with you for a moment?

[He's not far, in his usual place and typing on his laptop at full speed. Glasses on, pages scrolling in their reflection, and his fingers don't pause the moment he glances up, but rather continue to type seemingly with a mind of their own until they too slow to a stop]

Joaquin? [Obviously not the person he expected to see, Hermann sets the laptop on the coffee table and reaches for his cane to stand.]

Isn't Newton supposed to be with you? He left to meet with you not too long ago, if I'm not mistaken.

[And suddenly he's worried that something very serious happened and steps forward with a touch more urgency] What happened?

Hm? Oh! No, nothing like that. [He holds up his hands to try and assuage some of that worry.]

Newton's just fine. He just offered to give us some privacy for a moment. I, ah, have something to ask you.

Privacy?

[He really can't imagine why they'd need that.. well, alright, if Joaquin had something sensitive he could only confide in him, but Newton was playing that role, and he's fairly apprehensive of doing so himself. He's a terrible friend, really.

But now that he's taken a moment to focus, he can tell Newton is in fact very close, and probably isn't further than the hallway. He's fine, aside from a bundle of nerves and a thread of nausea? Is he sick?

Hermann turns his attention back to Joaquin, still moderately concerned, but he'll address that in a moment]

Well alright, I suppose. What is it?

[Welp, it was now or never, Joaquin. He put on his most charming smile and got his schmooze on.]

I just wanted to say that I'm quite fond of you, Hermann, and I was wondering if you might consider dating me? You know, for real.

What?

[It's a half-laugh, half-question, puzzled on several fronts. He can't imagine where this is coming from and smiles a sort of confused humor while anxiety builds along the drift that simply must be Newton's]

Did Newton put you up to this?

Huh? [What kind of question was that?]

N-no, I'm serious.

[He does laugh then; a quiet chuckle, warmly amused]

Well I'm flattered, but I think Newton is close to having a heart attack in the hallway, so perhaps we should check on him.

[He hadn't expected to be laughed at, of all things. Just... Wow. Wow. Okay. He wanted to go home now.]

Uh... Sure, sure, I'll run ahead then.

[Not waiting for a response to that, Joaquin beelined out of the apartment and nearly ran into Newton in his haste. He didn't want to stick around, so he gave a clipped summary:]

He laughed at me. Hope that makes you feel better. I'm just... I'll see you later. [And he was in the elevator and heading down fast as the apparatus would take him.]

[Newt, who had been listening like the masochist he is, manages a failed pat and attempt to take Joaquin's arm before the the other man hurries away. And now he feels sick for an entirely different reason.]

WHAT THE FUCK, HERMANN?

[The door bangs into the wall as it swings open. Newt stops it with his hand on rebound and closes it hard behind him. Liebling yawns and stretches on the sofa, unimpressed.]

[Hermann starts back a step, silently glad he doesn't move all that fast or he would have been hit with the door. Joaquin is gone, but in his place is an irritated Newton and all of this is very far beyond him.

If he didn't know better, he'd almost say they'd simply shapeshifted in order to test him for unknown reasons. But he recovers, and favors Newton with a glare as he steps closer]

No Newton, I believe I'm the one that should be asking the questions here. What was that?

[What was it indeed? Newt squirmed a little.]

That was...a very misguided attempt to prove a point. Joaquin was--

[Handwave, then the tone is more direct] It doesn't matter what the point was he was trying to prove, the reality of it was, you LAUGHED at him. You don't LAUGH at a guy when he confesses to liking you, Hermann.

Misguided!? [Hermann's voice rose, incredulous]

First of all, he was not serious, and even if he was, you used him as an example to prove a point? I don't think you should be the one lecturing me over this.

[His gestures move along with his speech] WHOA WHOA WAIT A SECOND. WHAT?! ME? NO!! He volunteered to prove--I didn't--He wasn't serious about--but he does LIKE like you and

I am NOT in the wrong here, Hermann. YOU are the one who laughed at a man confessing his feelings, putting his charming ass self out there for the sole purpose of proving to the guy YOU are dating that he's not, that I'm not...that you're not going to LEAVE ME for someone more [He waves back at the door as if meaning Joaquin] more... [gestures to himself] not THIS. HE suggested it--I'd just have gone along NOT KNOWING, I was FINE with not knowing!

[Silence reigns for a moment because Hermann has no idea where to start with any of that. They're all half-formed thoughts until the last, and even then, it fails to make sense within its own context. Fortunately he's dealt with Newton for far too many years and he's capable of stringing them together in what he guesses was the original stream of thought]

Wait a moment. So what you're attempting to say is that Joaquin had a romantic interest in me, and that one of you decided it was an excellent idea to use that in order to prove a point that I wouldn't leave you for someone else?

[It's some high school level of inverted logic he's sure, and he is absolutely offended by the implications]

Well?

I'm sensing judgement and I'd just like you to know this idea was not mine and it was obviously born out of his love and consideration of my feelings, even if it was horribly misguided and went terribly wrong, and can we repeat it was not my idea, and yes, he does like you--liked you--probably doesn't really anymore now that you've LAUGHED AT HIM.

...God, Hermann. Why did you have to laugh at him??

[Breathing a long sigh, Hermann's fingertips touch his temple in an attempt to stay the oncoming headache. Newton couldn't ever have just a simple outing.]

Look Newton, I'm still not convinced all of this hasn't been a joke at my expense. Joaquin having feelings for me? Come now.

[He advances on Newton, expression growing more severe by the second]

You however, doubting me and nearly having a panic attack in the hallway, I could believe this of, and I most certainly do not care for the implications. It doesn't matter whose idea it was, you went along with it, and I can't honestly believe you were afraid I'd up and leave you like that.

Edited 2016-03-25 05:22 (UTC)

[He stood his ground]

Maybe you could if you actually BELIEVED in yourself, man. 'Come on' yourself. Why is it automatically assumed Joaquin couldn't like you? I like you--why is MY liking you considered more likely to be valid than HIM liking you? Because I'm a nerd? Because I'm a slightly-overweight runt with a voice that sounds like a broken DOG TOY and no friends, and he's a shining paragon of heroics and good breeding? Is THAT it, Hermann?

You don't think you're capable of catching the interest of the kind of person you really want.

Good to know.

Because I'm nearly twice his age, for starters! You are someone I've known for over ten years. We've worked together, grown familiar and- friendlier.

[He's struggling for the words to explain himself now and flusters, knowing he needs them or reap worse consequences] There's.. there's always been a sort of attraction there and we know that now. Intelligence and admiration..

[Hermann squares his shoulders and glances up] To be honest, Newton, I'm still not certain of the reasons behind your attraction. I'm grateful for it of course, because it took that and a few months before I realized anything for myself, but you still should not have brought my devotion under scrutiny. It's frankly insulting.

[...Always been a sort of attraction? Really? On paper, sure, and Hermann had wanted him before they met, but once they met... The sparks THEN hadn't been the kind of sparks they wrong romantic films about. Hermann brought out the best and worst in him. He is the best and worst thing Newt has ever known, ever had, ever wanted.

He looks at Hermann, then looks away. Well, he always knew he would kill this relationship single-handedly.]

I don't doubt your devotion to me as a friend, or as a life partner, even. I know you love me; you loved me when you offered to Drift with me. It's just...hard to believe you're IN love with me, Hermann, or attracted to me, that I haven't somehow swept you along on this ride of mine, that I'm not ...Stockholm Syndroming you into being in love with me. This feels too good to be true, and in my experience, when it comes to people, it usually is.

[And there are those wonderful feelings of inadequacy. He's not demonstrative enough, Newton doesn't believe him, and everything is going to fall apart if this much doubt constantly plagues their relationship.

There are reasons they aren't engaged yet.]

Enough. [Hermann snatches Newton's wrist and all but drags him back to the couch, where he shoves him in the direction of a cushion with a short command to 'sit down']

We are going to drift, and you are going to pay attention, because I'm not doing this every time you decide I'm not sincere enough.

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