medalsome: cropped by jackets @ plurk (somber)
medalsome ([personal profile] medalsome) wrote in [personal profile] driftsintobuffetline 2016-04-04 01:48 am (UTC)

2/2

[The rest comes after a large amount of typing, as if he was really thinking about what to say.]

I'm

Still not sure what I am. Maybe I am asexual like you said. I never thought of things in those terms before. I need to think about it.

I don't want to be different from other people. I... Have a bad habit. I have a hard time saying no when I have the eyes of others on me. It usually makes being a hero easy, but then I don't tend to feel allowed to make decisions for myself that often. I don't think I've ever had an original thought in my life.

I don't like this. I don't like being different like this. It would be easier to just do what's expected of me, but I've been trying to think more for myself lately. It's a lot harder than you'd think, when you're used to just following orders like a good soldier.

I'm confused. I want to go home. I want to be loved for who I am. I'm scared of people wanting things from me I can't give them, because I'll give it to them whether I want to or not. Because it's easier to just let them tell me what to do. And it would be easier if I was home so I wouldn't have to think of all this in the first place or question anything.

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