You thought you loved-- You DO love. Even if that statement was going to end in "Hermann," I am willing to say here that if you think you feel it, your probably do.
BREATHE.
Sex≠Love. Love≠Sex. (≠ is "does not equal" if you're not mathematically inclined)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the comment about your looks and waiting. That was wrong, loads wrong, and should have never been said and I am such a stupid fuck.
There's too much emphasis on sex in our culture...too much concern with who is doing what with whom, how, when, shame and repression, and it's none of society's business. Sex is not what a relationship culminates to...or not what it HAS to culminate to.
I understand this is all a lot to take in, with the time skip and the culture shock and everything. But it's not weird to not want sex. Plenty of people don't, for various reasons, and you're not broken. The interest just flat out isn't there? That's fine.
People have libidos, but it's not a yes/no. Our individual baselines are a range. We all have different levels of drive and some of us have a lot, and some have very little. Some, like you, may have none at all or may have so little of a drive you only feel it on very very rare occasions. I don't know, but I personally might have a lower drive than most guys my age; hey, just means I have more attention to spare on other things, right?
The desire to have children and the desire to have sex do not directly correlate. The ACT of sex may correlate to/produce children, but people who desire sex do not all desire children. Does that make sense? Wanting to cook does not necessitate that you want to eat. Wanting to eat does not necessarily mean you want to cook. I want sex; I do not want children.
Sex≠Love. Love≠Sex. Don't confuse lust and love. You can feel both for someone, or just one, or neither, but lust is what drives sexual desire and love is that warm fuzzy feeling and wanting to be near someone.
I don't study humans, Joaquin; I don't even study primates. But humans are apes and apes characteristically are social creatures. They form families. They groom each other. They hang out and eat together. What I'm trying to say here is... Love is a bond. Love is forming families. It is not "mating." Family is not necessarily "having kids and being married," either. It's belonging. It's living with someone, socializing, sharing an intimacy that's bigger than just breeding.
If you don't want to have sex with someone, you still can love them and can still be loved in return. They can want to have sex with you, and that's okay. And you can NOT want to have sex with them, and that's also okay. You'd both find a compromise. Maybe you won't ever have sex--trust me, they'll be FINE if they don't get any (don't let them tell you otherwise). Maybe you'd have sex but only to when actively attempting to have kids. Maybe you'd be comfortable watching them masturbate, or you'd be okay having sex occasionally. There's no one answer. It's about finding an arrangement that works for you and your individual partner.
If anyone tries to pressure you to have sex with them to prove you love them, they're an asshole, and they're either misguided (thank you, society) or they don't love you. If you don't want to have sex, that is your RIGHT. Your body is not there to please other people and sex is not the highest demonstration of love.
You're going to have to talk to the people you love to tell them how you feel, because society unfortunately defaults to "sex is assumed in relationships." But talking is a good thing, a healthy thing for relationships, right? So talk it out. It might take some time and some repeat conversations, but you'll make it work.
oops it got long
You DO love.
Even if that statement was going to end in "Hermann," I am willing to say here that if you think you feel it, your probably do.
BREATHE.
Sex≠Love. Love≠Sex. (≠ is "does not equal" if you're not mathematically inclined)
I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the comment about your looks and waiting. That was wrong, loads wrong, and should have never been said and I am such a stupid fuck.
There's too much emphasis on sex in our culture...too much concern with who is doing what with whom, how, when, shame and repression, and it's none of society's business. Sex is not what a relationship culminates to...or not what it HAS to culminate to.
I understand this is all a lot to take in, with the time skip and the culture shock and everything. But it's not weird to not want sex. Plenty of people don't, for various reasons, and you're not broken. The interest just flat out isn't there? That's fine.
People have libidos, but it's not a yes/no. Our individual baselines are a range. We all have different levels of drive and some of us have a lot, and some have very little. Some, like you, may have none at all or may have so little of a drive you only feel it on very very rare occasions. I don't know, but I personally might have a lower drive than most guys my age; hey, just means I have more attention to spare on other things, right?
The desire to have children and the desire to have sex do not directly correlate. The ACT of sex may correlate to/produce children, but people who desire sex do not all desire children. Does that make sense? Wanting to cook does not necessitate that you want to eat. Wanting to eat does not necessarily mean you want to cook. I want sex; I do not want children.
Sex≠Love. Love≠Sex. Don't confuse lust and love. You can feel both for someone, or just one, or neither, but lust is what drives sexual desire and love is that warm fuzzy feeling and wanting to be near someone.
I don't study humans, Joaquin; I don't even study primates. But humans are apes and apes characteristically are social creatures. They form families. They groom each other. They hang out and eat together. What I'm trying to say here is... Love is a bond. Love is forming families. It is not "mating." Family is not necessarily "having kids and being married," either. It's belonging. It's living with someone, socializing, sharing an intimacy that's bigger than just breeding.
If you don't want to have sex with someone, you still can love them and can still be loved in return. They can want to have sex with you, and that's okay. And you can NOT want to have sex with them, and that's also okay. You'd both find a compromise. Maybe you won't ever have sex--trust me, they'll be FINE if they don't get any (don't let them tell you otherwise). Maybe you'd have sex but only to when actively attempting to have kids. Maybe you'd be comfortable watching them masturbate, or you'd be okay having sex occasionally. There's no one answer. It's about finding an arrangement that works for you and your individual partner.
If anyone tries to pressure you to have sex with them to prove you love them, they're an asshole, and they're either misguided (thank you, society) or they don't love you. If you don't want to have sex, that is your RIGHT. Your body is not there to please other people and sex is not the highest demonstration of love.
You're going to have to talk to the people you love to tell them how you feel, because society unfortunately defaults to "sex is assumed in relationships." But talking is a good thing, a healthy thing for relationships, right? So talk it out. It might take some time and some repeat conversations, but you'll make it work.