medalsome: commissioned through rabblerauser @ tumblr (sudden tear)
medalsome ([personal profile] medalsome) wrote in [personal profile] driftsintobuffetline 2016-04-03 03:06 am (UTC)

You do. More than you know.

[There's a long pause before the rest of the message comes in:]

I never knew. That's

Growing up in a small town in Mexico, we're pretty religious. There's a lot of rules and expectations, so I always expected I would wait until I was married until I... was intimate with anyone. And I expected it would be a woman, and she would be my wife, and we'd be happy and

Since coming here, things have been different. I've come to realize a lot of things, but I'm still confused about a lot of it. I didn't realize I could come to like men like I like Hermann, or that it was okay to like that. Or that intercourse outside of marriage was as okay with so many people as it seems.

But now that you mention all those words and things, maybe it's just that I don't want to. Have sex, that is. But isn't that weird? Or does it mean I'm broken or something? Shouldn't I want to have sex if I want to have kids someday? Isn't that how people are built? To want to have sex and have kids?

And what about love? Does that mean I should want to have sex with someone if I actually love them? But I don't want to have sex with Hermann or Maria unless I'm married to them because I thought that was right, but maybe I'm

I thought I loved

I mean


[Uh oh, someone's having an emotional breakdown right about now.]

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