Risk. He is a fucking risk. A danger. A hazard. A gamble. Of course he is. Of course. He's unsafe, a menace ('every bloody day--how many times have I told you...'), annoying, a brat, a very unsure bet (and Hermann only takes calculated risks)--there are reasons they didn't work before and there are reasons they might not work now. Hermann called it 'averting a disaster' when they had this talk before. Six to twelve months to make sure this is viable, that they won't implode again, and in that time, what, one of them could vanish from here, or die, or Hermann could just get fed up with him and leave. And he could. Where would he go? Oh, Hermann probably already has a contingency plan of what to do if this fell apart. Newt doesn't. Maybe he needs one.
He had thought Hermann just wanted time to plan, to be comfortable with the idea of marriage, that it wasn't him, that it was Hermann... But it was Newt. It is totally him. ...Cool. Nice to know he's still the Grade A fuck-up he's always been.
He nods, trying not to hyperventilate, voice rising in tone and betraying him. "Pfft. Please. I wasn't making promises. What conversation were you having?" He pulls a face before it's swallowed in the insistent downturn of his mouth and Newt just gives up and leans his head against Hermann's shoulder with a sigh. Today has been a long day. A long, painful day, physically and emotionally. Part of him doesn't even want to wake up tomorrow. Just toss in the towel now. Which isn't right. One of them has to be the optimist in this relationship (who is he kidding, neither of them ever was) and it isn't Hermann. There's only room for one mental breakdown at a time and it's Hermann's right now and this is such a dumb reason for Newt to be ready to cry, but here they are.
"No, yeah, this was good. I needed that," he babbles into Hermann's shoulder. "I needed the reminder: good things come to those who wait, right? Yeah, we're waiting. This is good." He is too impulsive for this.
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Date: 2016-03-06 08:08 am (UTC)Risk. He is a fucking risk. A danger. A hazard. A gamble. Of course he is. Of course. He's unsafe, a menace ('every bloody day--how many times have I told you...'), annoying, a brat, a very unsure bet (and Hermann only takes calculated risks)--there are reasons they didn't work before and there are reasons they might not work now. Hermann called it 'averting a disaster' when they had this talk before. Six to twelve months to make sure this is viable, that they won't implode again, and in that time, what, one of them could vanish from here, or die, or Hermann could just get fed up with him and leave. And he could. Where would he go? Oh, Hermann probably already has a contingency plan of what to do if this fell apart. Newt doesn't. Maybe he needs one.
He had thought Hermann just wanted time to plan, to be comfortable with the idea of marriage, that it wasn't him, that it was Hermann... But it was Newt. It is totally him. ...Cool. Nice to know he's still the Grade A fuck-up he's always been.
He nods, trying not to hyperventilate, voice rising in tone and betraying him. "Pfft. Please. I wasn't making promises. What conversation were you having?" He pulls a face before it's swallowed in the insistent downturn of his mouth and Newt just gives up and leans his head against Hermann's shoulder with a sigh. Today has been a long day. A long, painful day, physically and emotionally. Part of him doesn't even want to wake up tomorrow. Just toss in the towel now. Which isn't right. One of them has to be the optimist in this relationship (who is he kidding, neither of them ever was) and it isn't Hermann. There's only room for one mental breakdown at a time and it's Hermann's right now and this is such a dumb reason for Newt to be ready to cry, but here they are.
"No, yeah, this was good. I needed that," he babbles into Hermann's shoulder. "I needed the reminder: good things come to those who wait, right? Yeah, we're waiting. This is good." He is too impulsive for this.