random loose threads

[driftsintobuffetline]

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2016
January 29 - Returning from Submarining
February 13 - What are you thoughts on MARRIAGE?
February 16 - Day 1, Soviet Occupied Import Cities
March 12 - They were supposed to talk about Miles and Greg, but talked about themselves instead
April 14th - Kinks, Tatts, and Power Suppression
June - Admiring the Ring
July 27 - Hermann's New Car
After the Kaiju Test - Need a New Apartment

Comments

[mathemagier]

Although he'd expected Newton's compliance, Hermann had also expected a request for an explanation. It doesn't come, and that trust is as sweet as it is disconcerting. But he supposes given his past protests against Newton's self-experimentation that his partner knows he wouldn't ask without a well-founded reason.

He turns the mug in his hands and considers his own fingers. Unfortunately, none of them are at all likely to grow back and if not for that key factor, he wouldn't even be considering this.

"Well, nanites are prevalent throughout our bodies, correct? LACKEY targets them, which in turn target the nervous system. If I can teleport disconnected organic material as an object, and if we could scrape together something to monitor the nerve endings in your severed finger within a few hours, then we could swiftly test the safety of any given set of coordinates."

All of that assuming they either work into the night, or awake very early in the morning. Likely better after some sleep.

"We already know the imPort cities are safe, and that Los Angeles (and theoretically anywhere else in America) is not. They could be our control sites to test both sets of readings before we experimented with other countries. It may not work, but it's better than porting to a random country and hoping for the best."

[driftsintobuffetline]

His love for Hermann almost stays his objections, which only continue to grow the more he thinks on the subject. It's about then that Newt wonders if they have a real problem on their hands--how has this relationship forever altered their very productive, very useful dynamic? Have they...actually become weaker by caring about each other's feelings? Have they become too cautious?

Or is it just him? In putting Hermann first, is he actually failing him? All he wants is for Hermann to like him this time around.

"Hermann, first of all, even if we can scrape together a device like that, which I'm not saying we can't--your power and our collective mechanical know-how means it's definitely possible, even if we end up scrapping the toaster for it, or something, but even if we can piece it together and launch the sucker, how are we going to determine if the punishment is, for some reason, NOT shocks? Or not shocks at SOME locations but shocks at others? Or randomly generated--lotteried, like a chore wheel...spin and see the punishment you get. If they can issue electrical impulses through the nanites, I don't doubt they could enforce other commands. Our device won't be able to monitor for everything, nor will the finger react to everything."

Which brought up a point that he feels Hermann hasn't bothered to consider, because to Hermann, this is more of a logic puzzle (which cities trigger spasms in the nerves and which do not--like playing Battleship) and to Newt, this has to be partly biology, because their object doing the testing is not going to be simply a machine. "I also don't know how long the nanites will survive outside of my system or how long before the blood drains from the finger and the nanites simply drain out. We don't know enough about them, yet, so if they even DO survive in my severed finger? they might not survive more than a couple of trips. So to make sure we still have active nanites to test with, I'd need to put them under a microscope and check after every trip, which means opening up the finger or even cutting off a new sample--which I'd do, but I'm not positive this is a viable option. I think it's a great idea, Hermann, and I hate to be the naysayer--"

But that's always been our roles to each other, keeping each other in check, keeping our science honest, he wants to say, in case Hermann's feelings are hurt because now that matters.

"But have you thought about the fact that, in addition to the issues with feasibility, you're sending, across the world, into unknown crowd situations, a potential bio-weapon and biological matter that could be used to create self-healing soldiers, if it falls into the wrong hands?"

March 12, 2016 - following the talk with Miles and Greg

[driftsintobuffetline]

He terminated the call.. It was too personal, too intimate to stay. He would have wanted the same if he were Miles...

So that was...

Miles was in love with Gregor. Belatedly, he realized, that was what Newt had been right about, though at the time he had forgotten they were functioning under the impression that he was even wrong. But Miles and Gregor's relationship was deeper and more intimate than Newt had guessed, and even if Gregor was not in love with Miles, he did love him, clearly, a lot more than Newt thought the quiet, reserved man was capable of. They were Drift Partners, he had known, but now he could see the Partnership between the Drifters. It changed how he perceived their previous interactions, how he understood that spy plot, why, perhaps, Miles was not included.

Most of Newt's initial impressions of closed-off Gregor could now be chalked up to his aristocratic background, and a quiet and subdued personality that was the kind Newt had never found very accessible to him. He had failed to understand Gregor as he had failed to understand Hermann.

That should not have been his takeaway, these feelings, not when there were royal bloodlines and not!clones (he needed to tell Hermann) and something with Lucifer to consider, but it was.

He was a poor empathizer, but here he was stewing in empathy for Miles, for his unrequited love for his friend (the emperor, in some sort of god-awful societal drama and clash of duty and expectation that was probably worthy of a painfully restrained classic British or laborious Russian novel), as Hermann opened the door. Newt leapt up the help relieve him of some bags.

"You should have called. I would have come down to the lobby to help you."

[mathemagier]

"Newton, I-" Hermann sighed, forced to relinquish a few bags in order to properly close and lock the door. He tugged his parka off, shaking his head as he hung it up on their coat rack. "If I'd needed help, I would have asked for it."

Words that wouldn't have been true a year ago, but were now- at least as far as Newton was concerned.

Hermann snatched the remaining bags before Newton could double back for them, and hauled them up onto a counter in the kitchen with the rest. He rifled through them until he managed to unearth a brightly colored package of mice. As though summoned, Liebling appeared in the kitchen doorway.

"Yes, I didn't forget you, darling."

Hermann fussed with the packaging a moment, then wiggled a mouse free and tossed it over her head and into the living room. She disappeared in a flash of an orange tail. He smiled after her, then set the package on the countertop and turned back to Newton.

"Now, are you quite alright?"

[driftsintobuffetline]

Newt deposited the bags he did manage to take onto the counter and resisted the urge to help more. Hermann could definitely do it, and his independence was important to him, and Newt really didn't want to drive this wedge between them as he honestly feared he might. Because he could. Sometimes helpful was as thoughtless as not helping and Newt didn't always know when enough was enough.

His gaze followed Liebling out of the kitchen and into the livingroom, watching her play. He answered Hermann without looking at him.

"I'm good. You? How was the shopping trip?" Now he turned back to Hermann, batting his eyes teasingly, coquettishly, as he leaned on the countertop. It did not make him look as cool as he hoped. "Get anything for me~?"

[mathemagier]

Taking Newton's self-assessment under consideration, Hermann looked him over. Something had put the man in a reflective mood a few minutes before he'd come in, but if it was important, Newton was terrible at hiding things from him for long. With that in mind, he thought of how ridiculous the man looked fluttering his eyes in such a fashion. Endearing, but ridiculous all the same.

He tugged a few of the bags closer, distracting himself by peering through them. No reason to be nervous, really. It's just food. This was gesture number three? Three and a half? Four, at a stretch? No, three. No room for halves here. Averaging one a month so far. Not terrible.

"Not particularly, I suppose you could say. But I thought perhaps I could cook for you tonight. I.. I should have everything for cheese spätzle. I found a lovely recipe that seems promising.."

[driftsintobuffetline]

The fluttering stopped almost immediately as he leaned in with surprise and disbelief and a slow grin. "Seriously?" He gave a little tug at the edge of a bag and tried to look in, despite the nervous attempts by Hermann to withdraw the bags.

You're going to make someone a very good housewife husband someday, he refused to voice, even teasingly. He would not open that can of worms back up and he fidgeted, his finger feeling really bare where his pinkie ring should have been. Patience. Right, yes, he could do this. He could wait and not scare Hermann away.

"You spoil me," he said instead, easing a hand over Hermann's nervous clutch on the bags. "What did I do to earn this? No no, don't answer that--but I haven't had spätzle since I lived at home, I--" His thumb grazed the pulse of Hermann's wrist. Home. This was home, now. Not here specifically, not this world, but the home--with his father and his uncle--had been a distant memory for some time and Home had become this: their lab, the corner of the mess hall where they squabbled and people gave them a wide berth, their apartment, Hermann's bedroom... "Thank you," he finished off quietly. "I'd like that. If this is courtship, I'm kind of liking it." 'Kind of,' what an understatement.

[mathemagier]

You don't do anything to deserve romantic gestures, he almost said a touch irritably, but refrained. That's the point.

He knew well enough that Newton wasn't trying to imply anything and the time where he'd pick an argument about it was long past. His fingers relaxed their grip under Newton's touch and he got the sense of home like something missed. A time before Kaiju, yes.

Hermann ducked his head in a sort of half-nod and cleared his throat while he began setting everything out on the counter. Just a bit more confident now that he could sense the gist of Newton's sentiments.

"Yes, well I should hope so. I may not have a need to 'win you over' such as it is, but I would still like to try."

[driftsintobuffetline]

He gave a cocky little laugh and leaned back against the counter to let Hermann unload the bags on his own.

"'Win me over.'" Ignoring any glares or protests, he nabbed an orange from among the groceries and started to peel it. "I think I've said it before, but I can totally play hard to get--" What a laugh. Newt had never been hard to get, by Hermann, by anyone. "--Let you exercise your persuasion skills, woo me, court me, whatever it is you'd like to do."

Newt tossed some of the peeling into the trash.

"The chase is fun, right? At least when you know you're going to win."

[mathemagier]

Hermann paused in unloading the groceries and glanced up.

The nonchalance grated, forced him re-examine everything from a new perspective. Newton did appreciate this, right? The gestures? Expressions of affection he was making to prove to the both of them that he could. To make sure Newton didn't get tired of him a few years into their marriage and decide that he just wasn't loving enough.

Or did he just see this as a waste of time in some bizarre rush to be married?

He didn't want to argue, he really didn't. He had a plan for a nice evening tonight, making progress because he would like to be able to propose sometime this year, ideally. As it was, a once a month average meant they only may be engaged by the end of the year if he kept going at this rate.

"Newton.." He was getting much, much better about curbing his tongue at least. "You know that's not why I'm doing this."

[driftsintobuffetline]

Shit, he pissed Hermann off. Newt could feel it, and regretted whatever it was that set off that feeling of annoyance vibrating back from Hermann. So, it was surprising when there was no actual argument. What came out of Hermann's mouth was restrained compared to where it might have been months earlier. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a curse.

They used to fight all the time, and maybe nothing was really said and nothing was really heard, but were they really talking and listening now?

"It's sweet, Hermann. I'm not saying it isn't. I DO like these gestures. I'm just saying, if you want more of a challenge--" Why were they so fail at communication? Why did Newt even open his big mouth? What was he even intending to achieve with this discussion with Hermann? "I mean, you've already got this in the bag--and aside from just...making it work and not killing me, there's not really anything to DO--so if this keeps you interested and makes you feel like an active contributor to this relationship, then I will play hard to get..."

He frowned at his hand, which was gesturing while still holding the peeled orange, and tossed the orange down on the counter with a frustrated sigh. "Why are we still like this? We're supposed to be the guys with our ACTS together."

[mathemagier]

He went back to sorting the groceries, temporarily mollified that Newton did appreciate his efforts. But the man's frustration was palpable and mounted with his own. He reached out and very pointedly placed the orange on top of a sheet of paper towel.

"I'm not looking for a challenge, Newton," he said, balling and tying up the empty bags. "All I want is to court you properly. We've been dating only a handful of months and so far I've only made- well this would be the third gesture. I'm.. you know I'm not--"

Deep breaths. Hermann worked to manage the agitation before he well and truly snapped and ruined everything. He was already coming close; his confidence had already taken a big hit that translated to a sudden lack of desire to do anything.

He was probably overthinking it, trying to follow a set of guidelines that no longer applied, a set path Newton had long deviated from. He rubbed at his forehead, then determinedly worked to peel off the flaky skin off an onion. No, he was going to do this.

"Just please let me do this, Newton. I understand you're impatient, but I am trying to make this work, for all it may seem otherwise."

[driftsintobuffetline]

"I'm not impatient--" he snapped, because restraint was not his forte and he was almost prepared for a fight. "Alright," he relented, "maybe I am, I admit I am, but--"

He went to rinse off the orange, if only because Hermann probably thought it necessary, and to be honest, yeah, Newt knew Liebling was up on these counters with some consistency.

"It's not like the Kaiju," he said, shaking the water off over the sink. "There's no predicting the attacks. We don't have ten years of research and familiarity with the enemy here. We have seven months of occasional attacks and escalations, and I have three and a half months of dating you after a decade of knowing you, and I'm aware I'm rushing this."

He wrapped up the orange in the paper towel again and returned it to the counter. It was a pointless effort, but he needed something to do. Most of their talks in the last five years had been conducted across the room while both were busy with an actual task. He was still getting used to just plain TALKING to Hermann.

"But people rushed to marry or rushed to have kids or rushed to do any number of things people WANT to do with their lives and with the people they love during the Kaiju Wars because time wasn't on their side." Inside, he was anxious, but he tried to project the same confidence he had shown that day in Hong Kong. We'll own this thing. "...But I can wait. If you can be romantic, I can definitely be patient."

[mathemagier]

It was something of a milestone, he thought. That they were edging around an argument and making visible efforts to restrain themselves rather than fall into that trap. And he did not interrupt, as he would have even months ago.

No, instead he stared, stunned by the man's willingness to compromise. How many times had they ever done that? And how often were they each attempting to change or better themselves for the other's benefit? Yes, not once.

But he did understand that there was no war clock counting down the hours until humanity's annihilation, they were still living on borrowed time. Time that he may or may not be capable of predicting. If the porter functioned as a machine..

Thoughts for later. For now he focused on locating their cutting board and his favorite knife.

"You know I've always planned for the long-term. It's no different now. I want to marry you once, Newton. So I want to get everything correct this time."

[driftsintobuffetline]

You're not just saying that, right?

Please mean it.

"I like being your long-term plan," he said, breaking apart the pieces of orange and eating one with a cheeky grin that was meant to cover his anxiety. "But I want you to know, I'll marry you again and again, if I have to. I will marriage-counsel the hell out of you or marry you again, because I'd rather scream at you for five years than not talk to you for three again. That is MY long-term plan, to just...not let you go again."

He broke off another piece and held it out in front of Hermann's face, so he wouldn't have to get oniony hands on it if he wanted to eat the orange slice.

"I mean, we have 'irreversibly altered one another'--wasn't that what you said? That's exactly what you said, what you wrote. I can't very well let you go now, huh? Besides, you have to admit, that was pretty romantic. You could count 'telling a relative stranger that you and I are sort of soulmates' on your tally of courting achievements. A point...half-a-point, at least. It counts." And not just because he wanted to add to Hermann's tally to expedite marriage, but because it was a pretty sweet way to describe their relationship--romantic or otherwise--and surprising, and Newt had been touched. And Hermann deserved to know that, even if Newt had sort of told him so already.

[mathemagier]

Of course I mean it.

Hermann ignored the orange slice in favor of regarding Newton with equal measures of fondness and wonder. In this moment, he wouldn't trust himself with a ring. Here he was worried about Newton growing tired of him when the man fully intended to drag him through years of counseling before considering a divorce. And even then.

He cleared his throat, glancing back down to the onion positioned under his knife.

"Yes well, we're not counting half measures. And I'm almost positive at least one of those things was before we'd even established a relationship." But Newton remembered all the same. How sweet.

"I can tell you that if you ever seek a divorce, I will absolutely contest it and be as unreasonable as possible at every hearing."

[driftsintobuffetline]

A soft ripple of relief followed the thought, like a held breath slowly released. He ate the offered slice instead and tried to look away from Hermann's very gorgeous brown-eyed gaze.

Half measures should count. So much of their progress has been in tiny, subtle half-steps before Hermann's overwhelming gesture of friendship and love.

He tried valiantly to keep his face from screwing up into a smile, because he really wanted to make a face that said 'you would' or 'you're always unreasonable' but it made him unbelievably happy. Newt grinned and slid a little over on the edge of the counter until he was leaning into Hermann--not enough to disrupt his balance, but leaning, head tipped to rest against a rather bony shoulder.

"First of all, you're wrong," he said pointedly. "The soulmates thing was late January, and you know why I know? It was one of the things I enjoyed rereading on the sub--so it counts--and second of all, if I ever DO try to divorce you? I better receive a stack of complaints and notations and counterpoints and refutations detailing how WRONG I am. How classless and childish I am to involve a court in these proceedings. I expect you to do the paperwork in triplicate and harass the hell out of the divorce court to the point that they, like PPDC HR before them, never want to see either of us again."

If Newt was an annoying human being by himself, they were a hundred times so together. They were a disaster, a whirlwind, terrible for all who were caught up in their cyclone. It was beautiful, really.

"You better be the bane of my existence for the rest of my existence, dude." He tore off another sliver of orange and popped it into his own mouth with a satisfied grin. Hermann hated him talking with food in his mouth. "I'll accept nothing less."

[mathemagier]

Hermann's chopping slowed. He often tried to forget the kidnapping had happened; it was a nightmare of a week, but something Newton had lived through and wasn't ever likely to forget. He probably hadn't been supportive enough then, too concentrated on filling the void Newton's absence had left and making sure of him in every waking moment.

But a faint smile still tugged at the corner of his mouth, because Newton certainly knew how he got when he became fixed on something. Heaven knows he'd harangued the PPDC enough. He was of a mind to turn his head and kiss Newton until the man decided to open his mouth to deliver a garbled statement that had him wincing reflexively for all it would otherwise have been sweet.

He sighed, refusing to blink for the sting growing in his eyes.

"Now there's something that was never in question, married or not. Actually sounds more authentic than the usual wedding vows. Perhaps you should use it." Not that he'd really considered writing custom vows before now.

[driftsintobuffetline]

The submarine kidnapping would always be a part of Newt's experience here, there was no escaping that week of loneliness even among the others, of trying to be brave (he wanted to whimper and curl up) and trying NOT to besiege Hermann with his worries and beg for his attention. He had wanted to come home so badly he had almost been willing to kill himself for it--

He had been intermittently angry with Hermann because the man didn't show him enough attention that week, but the thought of him had kept Newt afloat.

Newt had always planned to, if this marriage thing was actually going to happen, write his own vows. Partly for vanity, because he enjoyed people listening to him, and partly because the simple 'love, honor, cherish' didn't cover it, he had already vowed 'in sickness and in health' and there was a uniqueness to his and Hermann's interactions that defied the traditional. Hermann really was the bane of his existence and he wouldn't have it any other way.

And partly, when he allowed himself to think such things, because someday those vows might be something that keeps one of them afloat.

"Alright, consider that a preview. ...But that's all you get! If you want more, you're going to have to make this happen!"

[mathemagier]

"Yes, of course. Patience, Newton."

Hermann honestly wouldn't know the first thing about writing vows, but with several months to consider it, perhaps he could manage something approaching eloquent. Or seek outside help for inspiration, if necessary. Not that he had any idea of whom to ask of course..

For now, his nose had started to run and his eyes were really beginning to bother him as he was forced into blinking. He focused on the cutting board and managed to slice up the rest of the onion before his vision blurred too much to see properly. He turned from the counter and grasped him cane, taking a few steps away from the juices. Should have run it under the sink.

"Augh. Well at least that's over with. Do you have my handkerchief?"

[driftsintobuffetline]

He quickly and hastily tugged an ever present handkerchief from his pocket and lifted it up to dab Hermann's eyes and then pressed it to his nose. What a mess, he thought fondly at the man as he forfeited the handkerchief over to Hermann. You are a disaster, just like me. We're alike, you and me. I'm definitely yours.

You're mine? ...Thank everything Hermann was his, because Newt couldn't do what Miles is doing, honorably fall on his sword and let the man he loves and with whom he shares a mind, love someone else.

"Wash your hands, dude, then come take a break. I know, I know. Dinner. It can wait. I want to talk to you. Nothing scary, nothing bad, promise."

April 14th, evening

[mathemagier]

[When they return home, it's with much more than they'd left with. It's really a good thing they have excellent jobs, or Hermann might have had reason to lecture Newton about his frivolous spending. As it stands, he can only disapprove of the purchases by virtue of subject material. But it will all likely go into Newton's room and with any amount of fortune, it might spontaneously disintegrate into non-existence.

They have a nice quiet dinner and clean up, and it's not quite time for bed yet, so they retire to the couch and Hermann fiddles with his laptop while Newton flips through channels. But he's not focused- neither of them are, as is the way of things- and he finally gives in and sets his distraction aside.]

There was a matter you were interested in discussing?

[He should probably be less nervous about this, but finds he's unable to discern the source of those nerves]

[driftsintobuffetline]

[And now that he has the opportunity to discuss it (with an opening from Hermann, no less), Newt can't decide how to start, can't decide if he really wants to discuss it despite thinking it is really kind of...well, if not important, than at least something that couples do?]

Oh. Yeah, uh. [He turns off the TV and draws his legs up onto the sofa so he can turn and face Hermann.] It wasn't really about the caning thing, I mean, I GET why fangirls turned that into a thing for Geiszlieb--I also get that it could border on fetishizing something that shouldn't be--but it was really just that that's what got me thinking that we just kind of...

Well, we rely on knowing each other. Or letting the Drift fill in. I know what your taste in music is, how you take your coffee, I know what your dreams and aspirations are, who you are, and we just...don't really talk about the things we don't know? You know? Is this making sense or have I tangented too far and lost you here?

[mathemagier]

It is a bit inappropriate.

[He needs his cane for walking, not.. whatever else. But he's not terribly offended, just moderately disturbed by the intensity of the fans themselves. That they'd be so interested in their relationship as to create such things, it feels more than a bit invasive.]

No, I understand what you're trying to say, Newton. We do rely on it a bit much and aren't wonderfully gifted communicators. I sometimes wonder how well we'd manage a relationship without it.

[Progress would be much more gradual, he's sure]

I don't believe I have much in way of notable preferences.. but if there's anything you'd like more of, I could likely work with it.

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Fandom tended to to inappropriate.

He hates when Hermann suggests they couldn't do this without the drift. Especially because he might be right. It's a struggle on a daily basis despite love and respect and sometimes he is just tired of missing their mark.]


No notable preferences ...says the guy who enjoyed himself thoroughly through college. Come on...think I'm not up to it? I'll try anything once. And we can figure out how to make it work for you this time around.